SEVENTEEN: Reject and accept

The last thing I should be doing is rejecting myself. Accepting myself as I am right now is the first step in changing, growing and evolving. When I reject myself, I cannot grow.

I rejected my self when I was a teenager.  I believed that I did not have value and was ‘disposable’.  I remember sitting for hours by the river and wondering how much of an impact there would be if I just went in and didn’t come back out.  One time, I walked out on the ice by the marina.  At night. 

But I came back to shore and went home.

I still reject my self.  I have a hard time believing that my actions impact people and events around me.  Recent events have made me see that I have a greater impact than I imagined.  I really believed that what I did was only important in the microcosm that I inhabit daily.

My work with the Joubert Foundation is all accomplished from the safe security of my spot on the couch with a laptop.  All the emails, documents, organizing charts, lists, etc that have helped me accomplish the goals of the foundation were drafted in this corner of my living room.  No wonder it’s hard for me to see the big picture when I work in such a confined space. 

In my teaching, I focus on trajectory.  Even though my interactions with students make millimeters of change, the trajectory over their lifetime is large.  I try to keep that in mind when making goals for my students.  One small accomplishment, such as counting coins, can make a lifetime of difference.  One small admission about character, such as ego, can make a difference in many other lives.

I shouldn’t, therefore, be shocked about my own trajectory.  I have spent the last 20 years being an advocate for Joubert Syndrome. Many changes have occurred over that time and some of them trace back to my work. 

What else could happen if I started acting on the belief that my contributions have positive consequences?  What if I continue to change my own trajectory, one small goal at a time?

The possibilities are endless!  As long as I accept my self.

It's no good believing in somebody else If you can't believe in yourself

     Alan Parsons, Turn it Up (1993)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WplvDCe8_hw